Julia McCurley, founder and CEO of Something More, stopped by Studio 512 with a tips on how to keep romance alive once you’ve settled down with a partner. She says, “letting the drudgery of day-to-day life put out the flame in your relationship is sure-fire way to feel like roommates instead of soul mates. So what is a hopeful romantic to do about the realities of co-habitation and marriage?
First of all, I recommend: don’t give up hope. It is never too late to reignite the sparks.
Think about it as planning a vacation. Small steps. First, you have to buy the plane
tickets, proceed to make the hotel reservations and schedule it around the
inconveniences of every day life. It is the same with dating your mate. You are in charge
of making it happen.”
Julia’s Top 10 Ways To Spice Things Up:
- Put your mate on your daily “to do” list.
“Every day is an opportunity to do something nice for the most important person in
your life. For example, when a song comes on the radio that reminds you of
them, that is the perfect time to call and tell them you love them. Or, a quick text
saying you hope their big, upcoming meeting goes well.”
- Keep – or start – leaving romantic notes for each other.
“The way my husband and I do this is with our ‘bathroom’ book. It is a small
notebook that goes back and forth between our vanities. There is no set time on
when we write each other a note, so it keeps the element of surprise going.
Usually the notes entail things like ‘I had a great weekend with you, thanks for
making it so special’ or ‘I really appreciate the way you take care of our family, it
makes me feel very loved.’ Sometimes, we make it a little racy but always using
code words of course. Speaking of code words, they are another way to build
closeness in your relationship. When we want some sexy, private time we simply
tell our children that we are going to take a nap and lock the door.”
- Get a lock on your bedroom door if you have kids.
“This has been a lifesaver for couples so many times. There is no need to give
your children a premature lesson in human sexuality. And, for that matter a
relative, pool boy, or whomever else may stop by unannounced. Couples need
uninterrupted time, even if it is only to talk for a while without having to listen to
the latest episode of ‘SpongeBob’ while you try to connect.”
- As obvious as this sounds, implement a weekly date night.
“It can be any night of the week and however it best fits your lifestyle. I prefer Saturday
nights because there is no pressure to get home early to get up early for work the
next day. Schedule a standing time with the babysitter if need be.”
- Take turns planning your date night.
“Often my husband and I don’t share the details of the date night until that day, or
even until we reach our destination. The date nights do not need to be
expensive. It could be a picnic in the park with a bottle of wine, going bowling,
taking a long walk, and you could even have a date in your home by sending the
kids to a sleepover, and watching a romantic movie followed by a bubble bath.
Light the candles, put on some romantic music, and you are ready to date your
- Be helpful.
“Do a chore around the house that your mate typically does. For example, if you
are in charge of the laundry, the other person could do a surprise wash and dry
for you. If your mate normally does the dishes, perhaps you clean up after dinner.
I will admit that a man who leaves a clean kitchen really turns me on. Same with
a clean garage (yes I have a garage obsession, but being married to a packrat
can bring out the organizer in me). Taking a little bit off your loved one’s daily
duties does more than say ‘I love you.'”
- Be unpredictable.
“Send a Fed Ex with a love note or a racy photo to your beloved’s hotel room on
their business trip. You can also send a package of their favorite candy to their
office or a bouquet of flowers just to say you love them (flowers still work,
gentlemen). Make their favorite meal, and change up the date night often to keep
the surprise dynamic alive.”
- Keep up appearances.
“It is natural to try to look your best when courting or trying to attract your future
mate. After you get married, there can be a tendency to ‘let yourself go.’ So
maybe it’s not one person’s fault, but rather a situation where responsibility
should be shared. If you want your wife to get her hair and nails done, maybe
you should step in and help her more, so she can actually have the time to do it.
If you want your husband to focus on his health and lose weight, maybe you
should make him feel attractive and wanted so he’s motivated to do so.”
- Be flexible.
“The reality of the grown-up world we live in is that unexpected things are going to
happen. A sick kid, a cancelled babysitter, or intruding work demands can all
combine to wreck our best laid plans at romance. That doesn’t have to mean
your evening has to end badly. Pop in a DVD and snuggle on the couch while the
kids laugh at the antics of ‘Tommy Boy,’ and you hold your spouse’s hand and
appreciate all of the things you have in your relationship.”
- Be in tune with your mate’s physical and emotional needs.
“What each of you needs from the other may change depending on life’s
circumstances, so open and honest communication is very important to keeping
romance front and center. While marriage can be both fun and challenging, at the end of the day it should be making both you and your spouse into better people. A marriage founded on respect
and a willingness to sacrifice for the other molds you into better, stronger, and more
Julia is Austin’s only Certified Matchmaker. She’s been in Austin for decades, and started her company in 2009. She takes the guesswork out of dating, and she puts a lot of time and research into matching people based on many factors, including attachment styles, love languages, temperament and more.
If you’re looking for some free advice, be sure to check out her published book of blogs, “Game Set Match.” If you’re ready to have a consultation with her about finding the love of your life, check out SomethingMore.com, or call (512) 810-8803.